First, reader be aware that this post might contain major spoilers for this featured film. Also, I believe that the movie, All of Us Strangers, has interpretations that are individual for each person who views this film. Mine are how I saw, interpreted, and most importantly, felt upon watching it. Maybe it connects with you, the reader. If it does, I think it captures a major theme of this quiet, reflective, and oftentimes, perplexing film by writer/director, Andrew Haigh. The director, I’m finding out, emphasizes human connection in his movies and surprisingly, music videos.
Funny to think that I first learned of this movie director through from the video, A New Bohemia, from one of my favorite albums of 2024 “Nonetheless”, by the Pet Shop Boys. Yes, that Pet Shop Boys from the 1980s who are remarkably still providing listeners fresh high quality musical tracks with poignant lyrics and danceable rhythms. From this album, one of their most introspective lyrics comes to the track, “A new bohemia”, which tells the story of a once relevant artist (perhaps the Pet Shop Boys themselves) trying to navigate the confusing social media world where celebrity is accomplished by “improvising a wild hypnotic dance” in the hipster neighborhood. In the song, the protagonist wishes he lived his life “free and easier.” One thing that has kept me a fan of the Pet Shop Boys for 40 years (!!) is how the lyrics of singer Neil Tennant captures the emotional and real feelings of the subjects of his songs. The lover who has been jilted in disco-infused “So Hard” (“We both given up smoking. ‘Cause it’s fatal. So whose matches are those?”). The successful artist in their post-AIDS masterpiece, “Being Boring” who finds it hard to enjoy his success after the virus took away his friends in post-AIDS 1990s (“I never dreamt that I will get to be, the creature that I was meant to be. But I thought despite of dreams, you’ll be sitting right here with me”). The Pet Shop Boys appears to have a significant influence on the director, Andrew Haigh, in that he not only directed the music video for “A new Bohemia”, but also features the Pet Shop Boys remake, “Always on My Mind”, in a pivotal and important scene in All of Us Strangers. In the video for “A new Bohemia”, there is melancholy mixed with the joy seen in the people featured in the video, who all represent early Pet Shop Boy albums that probably are more popular than their recent releases.
The lyrics, the Pet Shop Boys influence on the life of young gay men coming to age in the 80s and 90s, and the use of words to express emotions that often cannot be spoken are at the heart of All of Us Strangers.
What I can say about this movie is that it was one of the most emotional movies I have seen in a good while. I can also say that it was one of the most complex stories I’ve seen on film, one that demands your attention from start to end. I do not want to give too much away in that I want readers to experience the film for themselves. Again, it probably has many interpretations and for some, the slow pacing and disjointed storytelling might be off putting. I understand that the film isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, especially in this age of filmmaking where action hero violence and cruel humor (I, for one, was not a big fan of Deadpool vs. Wolverine for this reason) are what audiences tend to seek out. I appreciate movies that require thinking and investment in the characters. All of Us Strangers demands this from its quiet start to its equally quiet ending.
The movie remarkably only has four main characters in the whole movie. Adam, a lonely TV writer. Harry, a neighbor who shows up at Adam’s door drunk after a fire alarm. Adam’s parents are never named, other than Mum and Dad. Other actors are background and the film focuses on these four characters, which the director does an amazing job in weaving and developing their stories in an extremely complex way. The story focuses on what it means to love and understanding what love is, even in deep grief and pain. It is usually in these moments where hurt is at its peak that we are reminded that love and belonging is nearby.
All of Us Strangers focuses on the developing relationship between Adam and Harry. Harry notices Adam during a fire alarm, where it is apparent that the apartment building is nearly empty of residents. Their building represents the alienation loneliness brings and the deep desire for connection and community. Harry recognizes this opportunity to meet and connect with someone and immediately takes advantage of it. Despite being drunk with a nearly empty bottle of whiskey in his hand, Harry knocks on Adam’s door to not only introduce himself, but to also propose that they both spend the night together. Knowing the quickness of his proposal, Adam rejects Harry’s advances and abruptly closes the door, not before Harry extends his hand for a handshake that lingers for a few seconds longer than normal. This scene within the first 10 minutes of the movie is, as you find out at the end, the most significant scene in the entire movie. Clues are found in this interaction that reveal itself as the film continues. After this awkward first interaction, a relationship develops between Adam and Harry. At the same time, Adam starts to understand memories of his parents, who died when he was 12 in a car accident. His growing relationship with Harry helps him understand his relationship and grief that is attached with his parents.
What can be a bit confusing to viewers is that Adam’s relationship with his parents as an adult is represented with him interacting with them quite normally as ghosts. He speaks to them, visits them at his childhood home, has dinner with them, and learns more about their relationship with him as an adult. While ghosts are usually portrayed as haunted figures, in this movie they are seen as quite normal with no ill will to the living. Adam is able to tell his parents about his gay identity, his growing relationship with Harry, and his deeply held grief of losing his parents at a young age, something that he still carries with him as a grown man. In the more emotional scenes with his ghost parents, Adam becomes almost childlike as though he has transported himself back to being 12 years old again. In these scenes, Adam is able to unravel his grief and to understand how much his parents loved him at a young age, which they still have the same level for him as an adult. His mother still carries, we find out, ideas of gay individuals held in the 80s in her conversations with her adult son, but even then, she recognizes that he lives his own life and not hers and only wants what is best for her son. The scene that brings the first batch of tissues for crying involves the childlike Adam watching his parents decorate their Christmas tree while singing the Pet Shop Boys version of “Always on My Mind.” The song’s lyrics become the voice of Adam’s mom as she looks at him as an adult and focuses her love for him, even though she did not understand what his gay identity was bringing to him as a young boy. Listen to the lyrics of the first 2 minutes and you can see why this scene brought a tear to many viewer’s eyes (I assume) as Adam’s mom lovingly looks at him singing while Adam listens and tearfully smiles up to her:
Small moments like this in the film is what I deeply enjoyed in my viewing. While the story has several scenes evoking the storytelling strategy of magical realism, the film also centers on the lived reality of Adam. The third act of the movie provides this in a way that I was not expecting. Without giving it away, Adam’s way of dealing with grief is provided in a twist that provides the film’s title, All of Us Strangers. In our deeply divided and alienated world, all of us are truly strangers at one moment of time. However, a quick minute or interaction with another human creates a moment where stranger becomes friend or lover. In one moment, life can change.
At the end of the movie, I was trying my best to keep my emotions in check. Tears formed and the lump in the throat formed. Grief, as painful as it is, often has a profound love attached to it. For Adam and Harry, a gay couple trying to connect and learn more about each other, their relationship transcends categories of gay, straight, or others. Love is love. Love is found when one is present. Love is found when one is gone. Love is found when one seeks out only one moment of belonging and the need to connect. Love is truly what we see at night in the stars that cover the sky. If you see the movie, you will understand.
All of Us Strangers was a surprise to me. I went in not knowing much about it, but soon after viewing, had me thinking about the film long after it was done. Few movies do that for me. This one definitely is one that I will stay in my memory for quite a while. Much like the Pet Shop Boys, who have been one of my favorite New Wave bands from the 1980s.
Onward.